“You never know when you will get that call. Enjoy yourself.” Ryan Detrick, Chief Market Strategist at Carson Group
Today is the Friday before Memorial Day weekend, which is a day I will never forget. One year ago today my baby brother called me, which at first seemed similar to the thousands of other times he called me, but boy it wasn’t. We did some small talk for a couple minutes, then he hit me with something that I’ll never get over, he said he had cancer and it looked bad. On the one year anniversary of this news, I want to talk some about it all and what I’ve learned.
The first few days after news like this you are kind of numb. I remember that Sunday just laying on the couch and being angry. I missed our family picnic, which I know made my wife and kids mad, but I just wanted to sit around and feel sorry for myself and for Aaron. But after a few days of that it was time to try to be there for Aaron.
He immediately started chemo and at first had some good days actually. The chemo would really wear him down, but his cancer was so advanced by the time they found it they would admit him to The Ohio State University for many days to monitor him and give him as much chemo as anyone could possibly handle.
By September taking that much chemo started to wear him down. It was that month that he spent nearly three weeks in the same room, as he had a nasty infection and many other issues along the way. And when I say the same room, I mean the same little hospital room in the same bed for three weeks. All he wanted to do was go home and see his dog. 😢
I remember one day I drove up to see him and I was with him all day. We spoke a few days later and he didn’t even remember I was there, he was in the much pain and confusion from the meds.
Eventually he got out of there and had some good days and weeks, but the bad days did outnumber things. In late November his doctor said she was happy with how things looked and they gave him another six months. That might not sound like much, but to us it was really good news. Just make it six more months and who knows what new medicine they might have we thought.
Stay on Top of Market Trends
The Carson Investment Research newsletter offers up-to-date market news, analysis and insights. Subscribe today!
"*" indicates required fields
In early December he called me and he sounded like Aaron. He had an excitement in his voice and it really felt like he had turned a corner. I remember feeling really good after this call. Unfortunately, two days later he had trouble breathing and was admitted to the hospital again. He had pneumonia, and given his lungs were full of tumors, it started the first domino to the end.
After watching my baby brother suffer like no one should ever have to suffer those last few weeks, he passed away peacefully the evening of January 10. The ups, and mainly downs, of watching someone you love go through what Aaron had to go through isn’t right. A few days before he passed I spent the night in the hospital with him, to give Sara (his wife) a break. Thinking back to that night now, it still hurts, as all he did was moan. We didn’t sleep much and as his big brother all I wanted was to help him, but there was nothing I could do. He was so sick and just miserable. Outside of giving him enough drugs to just put him to sleep, there was nothing anyone could do to help him.
Here’s the sad truth, most people have been on the other end of this type of phone call, or if you haven’t, the truth is you will be someday. Or you might be the one giving the call and in a lot of ways that can be worse. I know my brother felt so bad, feeling like a burden at times. Even though he wasn’t a burden ever, he felt this way and I get it.
What have I learned as I reflect back to the past year? Take that vacation, do that trip, text that friend you haven’t heard from, try not to hold grudges, and most importantly, live in the now. I’m so thankful Aaron and I got to do a lot of things together over the years and we usually ended up just laughing at silly things. But I also learned how amazing people really are. The number of people who reached out to me to offer a kind word helped so much. So many friends and family helped Aaron along the way and it isn’t lost on us how generous so many where. We started a GoFundMe to help with the huge medical bills and we hoped to raise $10k, but got to more than $40k.
I did my best to be there for him and go up to visit him as often as I could. My job is demanding with travel, so at times it felt like I was either traveling for work or going up to see Aaron, not being home as often as I wanted. In the end, I don’t think I would change anything. Just know that if you are juggling something like this to try to take care of yourself, as it is so easy to forget that.
One of the best bits of advice I received was on the five stages of grief, commonly identified as: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I was told it would be quite common to feel multiple (maybe even all five) in one day and this was 100% true. Also, it really doesn’t get easier is the other thing. Maybe it will someday, but not yet.
Aaron would have been 45 years old yesterday. It isn’t right and I miss him more and more actually. Be nice to each other and enjoy the time we have, because you just never know when that hourglass will run out of sand.
Lastly, here’s a picture of him I find hilarious. He always enjoyed a good time and doing something silly to make me laugh. Trust me, most of the pictures of him from his final few months I can’t share on here, but you can probably guess. He might have been sick with tubes in him, but he still didn’t mind flashing me a bird here and there to say hello 😉 If you want to learn more about how special Aaron was, here’s the obituary I wrote about his life and I know he’d be proud, as this wasn’t your ordinary obituary. But he wasn’t an ordinary guy.
For more content by Ryan Detrick, Chief Market Strategist click here
8001364.1 – 5.23.25 A
